Overcoming Perfectionism: Practical Strategies for Letting Go

If you have a tendency to engage in harsh self-talk, you might be struggling to overcome perfectionism. Perhaps you criticize yourself intensely for even the smallest of mistakes. You might play conversations back on a loop in your mind, scrutinizing moments when you said something potentially awkward. Maybe you feel the urge to apologize constantly, just in case you’ve accidentally done something wrong. You may hold yourself to impossible standards and get upset when you fail to reach them.

You can move beyond your perfectionist tendencies, shift your perspective on failure, and learn to forgive yourself. Here are a few basic steps to help you start this journey.

Focus on Realistic Goals

Take a step back and consider the goals you’ve set for yourself. These might be goals and standards that you aim for in your professional or personal life. If you’ve been grappling with perfectionism, there’s a high chance that your goals would be unrealistic for almost anyone.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t aim high. Instead, reflect on the amount of time you actually have to work towards your goals and determine your true priorities. Then, think about areas where you could relax your standards or ask for help. Break down your remaining realistic goals into small pieces that you can execute slowly, rather than trying to achieve a major goal in a rapid timeframe.

Soften Your Self-Talk

Tune into the way you talk to yourself. You might criticize yourself frequently, saying things that you would never say to a close friend. Sometimes, people engage in negative self-talk because they were often criticized by their caregivers growing up, or they spent their formative years in friendships and romantic relationships where they were discouraged from being authentic or making mistakes.

It can take time to transform this inner voice. Try speaking to yourself the way you would address a dear friend who needed support.

Celebrate Small Progress

There is something to be grateful for each day. But when you’re a perfectionist, you might miss the forest for the trees. Instead of acknowledging how far you’ve come, the small wins you’ve racked up, or moments of simply joy, you berate yourself for falling short of your expectations.

Set aside some time each day to reflect on gratitude. You might want to jot down a few happy moments from your day, or note some things you’ve accomplished, however small they might seem to others. Any progress is worth celebrating.

Embrace Mistakes as Opportunities

Every failure gives you a chance to learn. Mistakes can be important steps on your journey to achieving your goals and growing as a person. But when you’re stuck in a perfectionist mindset, it can be hard to see the value of mistakes. Instead, you feel overwhelmed by shame for slipping up, and you want to press fast forward so that you can arrive at a place where you’ve already mastered whatever it is that you’re trying to learn.

The next time you make a mistake, consider what you could gain from this experience. What lessons might be hiding within a “failure?” What insights did you need to glean before you could move forward?

Emphasize Self-Care

If you’re exhausted and burnt out, it’s harder to release perfectionist patterns. It’s much easier to work towards growth when you’re giving yourself the support you need. This means getting plenty of sleep, fueling your body with nutritious food, and making time for physical activity several times per week.

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Are you struggling to let go of perfectionism? Working with the right therapist can help you practice self-compassion instead. Reach out to my practice to learn more about anxiety counseling.