6 Things Your Infertile Friends Want You to Know
Updated January 2026
Dealing with infertility can be emotionally overwhelming, isolating, and deeply painful. While millions of women experience infertility, it can still feel incredibly lonely—especially when everyone around you seems to get pregnant easily.
If you haven’t personally struggled with infertility but want to support a friend who is, knowing how to show up matters more than you may realize. Small comments, questions, or well-intended advice can unintentionally cause harm.
Here are six things your infertile friends want you to know—so you can offer genuine, supportive care instead of adding to their emotional burden.
1. Well-Meaning Questions Can Be Painful
When pregnancy comes easily to you, it’s natural to assume the same is true for others. But infertility is far more common than many people realize.
Questions like “When are you going to start trying?” or “Any baby news?” can be deeply painful, even when asked casually. Your friend may already be navigating months or years of loss, treatments, or disappointment behind closed doors.
How to support instead:
Let your friend share if and when they’re ready. Avoid assumptions, timelines, or pressure—intent doesn’t erase impact.
2. Infertility Takes a Real Toll
Infertility isn’t just emotional—it’s physical, mental, and exhausting. Hormone treatments, injections, procedures, and constant waiting can leave people depleted.
Emotionally, infertility often brings anxiety, grief, anger, shame, and depression. Even simple plans can feel overwhelming.
How to support instead:
Understand that canceled plans or low energy aren’t personal. Offer flexibility, patience, and compassion.
3. Advice Isn’t the Same as Support
Suggestions like “Just relax,” “Have you thought about adoption?” or “Everything happens for a reason” may feel helpful—but often land as invalidating.
Infertility doesn’t need to be fixed with advice. It needs to be witnessed.
How to support instead:
Say things like:
“I’m here with you.”
“That sounds incredibly hard.”
“How can I support you right now?”
4. They Don’t Owe Anyone Their Story
Infertility is deeply personal. Some people are open; others are private. Neither approach is wrong.
Pressuring someone to share details—medical, emotional, or otherwise—can feel intrusive and unsafe.
How to support instead:
Listen to what they choose to share. Let trust grow naturally.
5. Normalcy Can Be Healing
Most people struggling with infertility don’t want pity—or for every interaction to revolve around their pain. Being treated “normally” can be grounding.
That doesn’t mean ignoring their experience, but it does mean not walking on eggshells.
How to support instead:
Follow their lead. Keep inviting them. Let them decide what feels manageable.
6. Educating Yourself Makes a Difference
If you want to show up well, learn about infertility. Understanding the emotional, physical, and relational impact helps you respond with empathy rather than assumptions.
Every infertility journey is different—but effort matters.
How to support instead:
Read, listen, and stay curious. Your willingness to learn communicates care more than words ever could.
Final Thoughts
If you haven’t experienced infertility yourself, you may never fully understand it—and that’s okay. Your role isn’t to solve, explain, or fix.
Your role is to listen.
To validate.
To stay present.
And if you’re the one struggling with infertility, support exists for you too.
If infertility has been weighing on your emotional wellbeing, I offer online infertility therapy for adults in Florida and Maine. You don’t have to carry this alone.
If infertility is affecting your mental health, relationships, or sense of self, support can help.
Learn more about online infertility therapy or schedule a free consultation to see if we’re a good fit.
